was gonna leave my comment in the tags but tbh i’m silent enough about this as it is.
seeing stuff like this is so upsetting because these terms were well known and widespread in the ace community but because of exclusionists many people stopped using terms like this because they felt uncomfortable and unsafe.
i loved these terms when i was in highschool, i loved the feeling of community, but i lost that because i didn’t feel comfortable openly and proudly calling myself asexual.
they’ve hurt so many people and damaged our community badly and i will never forgive them for that. we deserve to use our own terminology and feel safe within our community.
Yeah the ace community has so much. We were told to stay of the lgbt and make our own group, so we did. And it was glorious! Full of fun, great advice and useful terms likes these.
Then the terms, exculsionists and other bigots realized we had a strong community without them where were felt normal and they couldn't deal with that.
So they dozed people, sent death threats, filled our tags with vivid images of gore, animal abuse, child abuse, porn and even child porn.
They stalked us and screamed at us claiming we weren't victims that any abuse we may have faced was actually "misplaced homophobia" and then proceeded to repeatedly abuse us while gaslighting us all. People were attacked in real life.
Most people stopped talking about thier asexuality. Many left the site permanently. The community was destroyed and then they went back to talking about how we were just trying to be special straight people. Mocking us after doing thier damned best to snuff us out.
And now they point to our destroyed communities as "proof" that it was a fad and that we are all ether represed guys or straight homophobes.
Its infuriating. And worse, there are young aces being fed those lines of being broken, selfish and disgusting all over again.
Yup
Sometimes I wonder if they pushed us to make our own community so we would be easier targets
Now they act like it didn't happen and we shouldn't be angry with them for it
No, you destroyed my community. You bullied our members into suicide, into the closet, and offline. We're still in shambles from everything you did to us.
But we're still here. We survived despite your best efforts.
To any young aces who figured stuff out in recent years: there's ppl like me who started identifying as ace before all this went down. We can tell you what it was like and what our language is. All you have to do is ask.
-FemaleWarrior
I usually talk in the tags but I do just want to add:
I saw this post (just the OP) and I was so surprised honestly when I first saw it. I was like, “yeah, people used the card suits for their identities. It was a really big thing not too long ago and a cool way to identify yourself because aspec identities can vary.”
And then I did remember what happened with all the ace “discourse” which was outright bullying and bigotry. I used to identify as ace and aro (now ace lesbian but anyway) and I legit wanted a small ace of spades tattoo to represent that.
And it partially faded from my plans as I’ve discovered myself differently and it just didn’t suit my taste, but also because it was such a shameful and “cringe” thing. The amount of hatred people have for ace folks is why I’m still so reluctant to acknowledge the ace part of my identity, much less explore it. If you want to talk about an entire group within a community that was completely obliterated due to both external and internal bigotry, talk to any ace people. If you can find them. Because many of us are back in the closet.
My ace identity in the past was way more a target of bigotry than me being non-binary and/or lesbian. I hardly even mention it to anyone because I’m so worried about reaction. The GSA at my high school fell apart due to aphobia from one or more of the “leaders”.
Almost every aspect of the ace community was under intense scrutiny. We used to loudly and proudly share awful (read: well thought out and clever) puns and we had learned to value relationships outside of sex. We had rings, we had flags that were on pins and everywhere. We saw ourselves in so many characters.
And now? I see a post about asexuality once in a blue moon. And it is entirely. 100%. Completely. Due to “LGBT ONLY” “You’re just straight!” “Queer is a slur!” “You don’t face REAL oppression” exclusionists WITHIN the LGBTQ+ community.
What’s awful is that it’s such a recent thing. Ace people have always existed. Ace people have always been included in queer spaces, even though we didn’t necessarily have the language. Then the community built up, especially online (where I spent most my time). Then in 2015, exclusionists started raising their voices, and they recruited people to be bigoted within the community. 2018, I barely knew ANYONE who still openly identified as ace because they deleted their blogs or went back into the closet.
And then the community that we’ve built up has been decimated. To the point that people don’t know about the card suits and being aspec. When that was one of the things 90% of ace people used to put in their bio (♠️♣️♥️♦️).
So yeah. This post really hit me with how much we aces have been erased. Brutally. I look back on the past five years of asexual identity online and it has been shattered. I follow a lot of queer centric blogs, and I see aspec stuff once maybe every month or two because we’re still scared of the exclusionist movement.
Fuck exclusionists for forcing us into shameful silence. If you think you’re a “good lgbt” because you’ve kicked out aces and made us feel unsafe and unwelcome, then I hope you have a horrible day. I hope you see the consequences of your actions. I also hope you get hit with some lovely black ace rings, leaving scars that are not even a fraction as harmful as what we’ve had to deal with.
This is exactly how I remember it going down. Thank you for speaking up about it because sometimes I wonder if what I remember happening happened because fairly often it feels like I'm the only one around from Before.
-FemaleWarrior
